The Beginning of a New Year!

The Beginning of a New Year!

I need a fresh start, a fresh perspective. After Last year of constant insane drive and only one focus- pay off our land- I feel I need to regroup. I’m starting my happiness project once again. There was this feeling, a peace inside me when all the pieces fit together and I just had such a good outlook. I felt good, my heart felt good and I was strong inside and out. I need that again.

Here we go for January

 Organize and Energize

Plans for improvement:

1)       Stop watching TV. I have done this before and the results were amazing. These dumb shows I watch I love them, but if I through a show on it takes me about three times as long to get any single thing done as it would if I just shut the damn thing off. I stay up ‘til two in the morning. I get aggravated when my kids interrupt. And at the end of the day what benefit has it really been to my life? It hasn’t. I’m just more tired, grouchier, and behind. There are much better uses of my time than finding out if Stefen will lose his cool in Vampire Diaries as cool as the show may be.

2)     Carl and I need to put together a whole budget plan for this year. We have some debt to pay off after last year, of course we love our vacation time, and it’s time we get serious about getting this house in shape. Jobs are going to be changing this year and money flow could be unpredictable at times, but we do need some sort of a plan put together.

3)     I need a cleaning schedule for this house and have decided to get much more serious about getting that part done.

4)     Workout and eating plan. Carl and I want to do this together. Eat clean with a planned menu and put together an exercise plan that I must follow. This goes along with #5…

5)     Set my schedule up in a way that all of my jobs are addressed, my health is addressed, and my house is addressed.

6)     Try and smile about it and look for the good in people.

 

Let’s get started…

The ending of a year and the beginning of a new adventure.

I spent all of 2011 finding inspiration, getting to know myself and loosing myself in things I enjoyed. I was busy, but mostly because I chose to be busy. My goals were small and achievable. I discovered a love for running, a passion for cooking and accepted God into my life. I had peace in my heart.

But it was not to last.

In about November of 2011, right after we bought our new house and rented our old house, Carl and I decided we needed to take the steps necessary to extend the loan we had on a piece of property we had bought many years ago. We had been paying on it for years, mostly going to interest , with the intent of one day building on it. Since that was not really an option at the time, we needed to look at how we could keep it for the future. We were in for a shock. An easy refinance does not exist on a land loan anymore. In fact a loan on land all together does not exist anymore. At all. Because of the housing crises land loans are now too high risk. Even worse we realized that the loan was scheduled to balloon January 11, 2013. Not just a little payment- no, the whole thing had to be paid off in full or we would lose it. At first it seemed impossible. Totally impossible.

Then Carl and I made a decision together. We would do it. It would be our focus and we would do it. It would take everything we had over the next 13 months, but we would do it. No other option.

Money does not bring happiness, but the absence of enough can make life real hard. And it was hard.

It is safe to say being happy was not the focus of 2012.

Something else happened with this goal though. It became a year of growing. 2012 was about the realization that if we could do this, we could do so much more. Despite the pressure of the world on our shoulders with each month’s payment we did more than we have ever done before.  Our dreams got bigger, our goals loftier, and our lives began to take on a new shape.

In what I would call one of the hardest years of my life I began a new business that I know will be the success of my future. Carl forged bonds that have lead to him opening an office and a position he will continue to grow in with an amazing family company. We both realized our own potential in so many ways.  

As I wrote the check for our last land payment the realization that we did it set in. A huge weight the size of Texas has been lifted, but I would say our shoulders sit a bit higher now.  

I have now put my big girl pants on and nothing seems impossible.

Here’s to 2013.

End of the year and the Happiness Project 2011

Who are we? What makes me the person that I am? At the beginning of this year I knew I needed a change. I had a great life with awesome people around me, but I just was not enjoying it. I was not focusing on what really makes me happy. What is happiness anyway? Certainly things can make us happy. Focuses can make us happy. Projects can make us happy. What was I looking for?

I started the Happiness Project where every month I would focus on a new aspect of my life. Family, God and space to run. These I had decided were (and still are) the most important things in my life and with each new month I was going to try align my focus with these three values.

I hit the ground running with project lists lined up. I was surprised to quickly learn that what I wanted was not elation or momentary excitement, that didn’t feel like happiness, but instead contentment, calmness, peace and joy in my heart.  

Paramhansa Yogananda writes in How to be Happy all the Time, “ The end result of emotional extremes is extreme emotional dissatisfaction. Perfect happiness lies not at any of the extremities of our outer experiences, but at a point of calmness midway between them all.”

I learned a lot about myself this year. I learned that actions are not happiness, but in order to get to that content place I do have to take action. I took action and learned a lot about myself and others.

This is what makes me happy…

A good Run- When my brain starts to get over whelmed the only thing to clean it out is to run. I said I needed space to run. The truth is I just need to literally run. I don’t go fast. I will not win a race. But nothing works to iron out the frustration like a little sweat.

Cooking- I feel the same about many projects as I do cooking. When I was younger I was an artist. I loved to sit there and focus on something and I loved to see people enjoy it when I was finished. My art was always very logical, like following my own recipe. It has not been so easy having oil paints out with babies as you can imagine, but cooking has seemed to work in its place. Food has turned into my art project and it calms me. Everyone needs a passion that intrigues their own brain. It makes you ‘you’.

People- I really should not be critical of others. While I have been working to ‘happyfy’ myself I made some discoveries about other people. Nobody says they do not want to be happy. No one. In my opinion, everyone given the choice would say they want to be happy. So many people just have no idea on how to get there. Give people the benefit of the doubt. People don’t wake up and say ‘I want to be mean and unhappy and make someone else’s life hell.’ Or maybe some people do, but at the root of all that negativity and their faults is they just have not figured out how to calm their soul and just be happy themselves. And that is ok. Most people are probably great people. They just don’t know how to show it. We all do the best we can.

I have also learned that the right people can make your life so much richer. I don’t need 20 friends. If one friend or family member is the person to make me a better person that is all I need. I hope that every person around me is someone that can teach me to be a better person.

The biggest difference in my life: God. I spent so much of my life trying to figure it out. I wanted answers to all the bigger questions. But in the end any ‘answers’ I received or facts I could prove or disprove did not make me any happier. In fact, it always did just the opposite. It made me bitter and confused. So, I let go. Finally, I let go. In every society since the beginning of time humans have had some sort of deity. Some sort of God. It is our biological make up to want to know there is something more to all this. Something that watches over and guides us. Loves us no matter what and keeps things in order. Why fight biology or sociology. I am human and I admit it feels so good to just say ok, I don’t have the answers, but God has a plan for me. To let go and just let God is happiness like I have never known. It’s peace.

Now at the end of this year of happiness I have reflected on what this year has brought me. I have learned that finding real happiness requires taking action as the first step, but the action itself is not what makes the difference. The real difference is what comes when you open up your heart and mind to change and make the conscience decision to allow yourself to see things different then you ever have before. It’s a mental peace and calmness.

I really am happy.  

If you get a chance and want inspiration on life and happiness there is a $10 book that is worth every penny and more. It is a collection of works by Paramhansa Yogananda entitled, How to be Happy all the Time. It’s only about 150 pages and super simple to read. There are certain people that just get it. He ‘got’ happiness and his inspirational words really help to gain perspective.

October's adventure and getting back to happy

Here I am, Shelby Hohsfield and I have totally fallen off my Happiness Project wagon. Good news is today is October 1^st and I am getting back on whole heartedly.

We bought this house. It needed a lot of work and to be honest it is still a major work in progress. I love doing the DIY (do it yourself) home projects and painting away. I love this house. I love my huge backyard and all the great character and space this new place has for my family. I love all that, but I have realized something about myself. Having things does not make me happy. I thought it might, but while it makes me feel secure and excited to think about our cool place, there are certain things that keep my brain occupied while doing them that really make me a more happy person on a moment to moment basis and I have not been doing them. I had discovered many things through my happiness project that brought happiness. With this whole house move the focus was totally lost and all these things just went out the window.

Well, I’m back on the wagon. There are just certain things I know make a difference in my life and it would be silly not to do them. I need to run. I need to listen to some sermons from church. I need to cook. I love to cook for my family. That is not to much to do to bring more happiness in my life.

Today is October 1^st and the focus for this month is to

Pay Attention~ Mindfulness

Meditate, examine true rules, stimulate the mind in new ways, and I’ve decided to keep a journal to write down what I am thankful for.

I am back and ready for some happy.

communication

Communication… not my strong point. I am the girl that you call and I don’t answer so you leave a message and then I don’t call back for five years only after you have totally written me off. My mom used to make fun of me when I was a kid. While other little girls were talking to their friends on the phone about whatever for God knows how long my conversations were more like “Hey, what do you need, okay I got to go.” While my phone etiquette has improved tremendously, my desire to do so has not strengthened much in the last 20 years. This has stretched amazingly into my email life as well.  I currently have 500 emails. I think I enjoy a bit more elusive life where I can participate in communication with others at whim. I like having good relationships with people, but I guess am just okay with quiet time to myself too. So I had a guy worker come to my house this morning to give me a quote on some drywall work on my house. He was very nice, but he totally did not hold back in letting me know communication is an issue for me. “So you are really hard to get a hold of aren’t you?!”  He says not really asking a question. “Just answer your phone!” Ugh. The majority of the time when the phone rings I yell at it to stop ringing.  And my major in college was Mass Communications! But seriously, what is my aversion to communication? I have decided that after all of these years of fighting the need to have conversations I am going to adopt a new relationship with the telephone. Instead of yelling at it when it rings I am going to remind myself of the reality- there is a person on the other end that cared enough about me to actually call me. It is not the phone trying to interrupt my peace, it is an actual person that wanted to hear the sound of my voice and how cool is that! To all of you have tried in earnest to get a hold me before I sincerely apologize. I have phone issues. I promise from now on out I will answer all phone calls as they come in even if my kids are tackling me down at that moment. If I do not answer it will be because I am in a no ‘cell phone area’ and I will call back as soon as possible. I will answer emails daily. I may even make a phone call or two myself. And I will make time for this blog.

Money

Money.

Money, Money, Money. Last month in the happiness project the focus was money. It is funny how the focuses have fallen so interestingly into my own life. I have definitely spent some serious money over these last few weeks for sure.

Focusing on money when we are talking about happiness seems to be a bit of a dichotomy.  Money usually doesn’t get talked about much unless it a problem and bringing stress not happiness.

It is the unexpected ‘holy cows’ that really get the stress going for me. But spending in general can give me heart palpitations; I am not going to lie.

We went on two major vacations and bought a house that needs lots of work. Holy cow!

Good thing the first month’s focus was about organization because we organized the money so we were really able to do all we wanted to. It fit the budget or so to speak.

I guess when it comes to money the real kicker is to talk about it a lot before it gets to be a problem bringing stress and unhappiness. The key to keeping money on the relatively happy end of the spectrum is to make a plan before it gets bad and hope the plan goes well.

So far so good.

p.s. the post is a sort of to be continued. I am going to post pictures of the trips and my new house here soon.  Some things are worth the money.

Friends~

Friends~

Last month the focus of my happiness project was suppose to be friends…

Friends have not always been my strong point.

I have always been close to my family and they are still the people I am closest to. Braking away from them to make friendships was something I always felt like I needed but never did. When I did break away I tended to lose myself in friendships. I needed to be stronger in who I was. A balance. Friends should be people that make your life easier to live whether it be that you need someone to talk to, advice, or just a good laugh.   

Fortunately, I can say now that God has blessed me with great people in my life. For the first time I really don’t feel that I am lacking. Everyone I do have around me brings me up and that is all I need. Now I have lots of people that all contribute to my whole picture (or puzzle) of happiness even if it is not perfect. I have a good girlfriend friend to share my joys and sorrows with. A whole slew of wonderful Christian ladies that are guaranteed to make you laugh your socks off when all together. I have a hubby to share my life with. A sissy that I swear is one of the only people who really gets how odd I can sometimes be and still loves me for it. A Daddy that would drop anything for me. And a Momma that is my rock in so many ways. My kids make me crazy and I’m not quite sure if I can call them friends yet, but they can make me laugh just the same. I have a great extended family, people who care about me, and people I love.  My cup runnith over…

Here are a few things I found on friendship

A friendship can weather most things and thrive in thin soil; but it needs a little mulch of letters and phone calls and small, silly presents every so often - just to save it from drying out completely. Pam Brown

How to be a Good Friend

http://anamikas.hubpages.com/hub/How-to-be-a-Good-Friend-Qualities

A to Z of Friendship

A Good Friend -
Accepts you as you are
Believes in "you"
Calls you just to say "HI"
Doesn't give up on you
Envisions the whole of you
Forgives your mistakes
Gives unconditionally
Helps you
Invites you over
Just "be" with you
Keeps you close at heart
Loves you for who you are
Makes a difference in your life
Never Judges
Offers support
Picks you up
Quiets your fears
Raises your spirits
Says nice things about you
Tells you the truth when you need hear it
Understands you
Values you
Walks beside you
Xplain things you don't understand
Yells when you won't listen and
Zaps you back to real.

More Than A Shoulder to Cry On: The Surprising Benefits of Friendship

Women are hardwired to crave close friendships, and these bonds can provide us with unique benefits. Here, a few things researchers have recently uncovered about the power of friendships.

The friendship effect: Mountains become molehills

How it works: In a study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, researchers asked participants to stand at the base of a steep hill and estimate how tough it would be to climb. Those standing with a friend gauged the ascent to be less steep compared with those who were alone.

What's more... The longer the study participants had known their friends, the more gentle they estimated the incline to be.

The friendship effect: Disease becomes less deadly

How it works: Harvard research has shown that breast cancer patients with no friendship network are four times more likely to die from the disease than those with ten or more close friends.

What's more... Studies have also shown that social support can lower blood pressure, protect against dementia, and reduce the risk of depression.

The friendship effect: Stress feels more manageable

How it works: When women are stressed, their brains release the feel-good hormone oxytocin, which encourages them to bond. (Male brains, on the other hand, are more subject to the effects of the hormones cortisol and adrenaline, which promote the fight-or-flight response.)

What's more... "The female response is much more effective in mitigating stress and may be one reason women tend to outlive men," says Terri Apter, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Cambridge.

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/relationships/The-Hidden-Benefits-of-Friendship#ixzz1SySOVD00